School

We have been so proud of Dima starting school.  I could not imagine how overwhelming it must be for him to start a totally new school that is really big.  We were a little afraid that he would not want to get up in the morning and give us a hard time about going to school, but he's been really good.  It helped having 2hr snow delays his first two days of school. They still had all the classes but were shortened.  His first full day of school was yesterday. When I picked him up, he was in a good mood.  I received a phone call earlier from his English as a Second Language teacher.  She had to talk to me about Dima's mood.  He is giving her the cold shoulder and not being very nice to her.  We are trying to work things out as to why he is acting like this.  My guess is that he doesn't like to have a class by himself.  His second period he is with her for English.  He will not open up to her so she is starting with the basics.  I am sure he is not happy and feels like she is teaching him things he already knows.  We need to work on him opening up to her to prove he has been learning English and to show her respect.  I am hoping overtime he will start to trust her and that maybe Liliya can help him as well. 

Dima is showing that he does not want to just sit in class and learn English.  He wants to participate by doing work.  It will be a while until he gets up enough courage to talk.  He says he can understand a good bit, but  can't express himself yet in English.  This is not bad considering he's only been here for 3 weeks! His big thing he will need to work on is his patience.  He gets extremely upset if he can not doing something correctly.  He is his own worst critic.  Dusty and I are trying to get him to relax and not be so hard on himself.  We are not sure if this is the way he always has been or if he feels pressure to do well to make us happy.  This is something that is going to take a long time to work on.  We need to continue to be patient.  I lost my patience with him for the first time the other night after he was refusing to work on his hand writing.  He is very impatient and not confident in his writing and scribbles fast.  I got upset with him after he got frustrated and scribbled all over a piece of paper and told him sternly he had to try.  He was taken back of how upset I got at him and he said "Sorry Mama".  It was the first time I had yelled at him and the first time I saw him respond with emotion.  I think it was a good sign to see he is opening up more about his emotions.  When he was here during the hosting program, he gave me the silent treatment for hours one time so we are improving!

Last night I wanted him to relax and forget about school for a while.  I asked him if he wanted to go cross country skiing.  He got very excited when I asked him.  When we got to where we ski and I tried to explain as best as I could what to do.  He was having a really hard time trying to keep his skis going horizontally.  He started getting very frustrated.  I thought.....here we go again, he is going to want to give up.  I used this as a lesson to try and teach him that just because something is challenging at first, you need to keep trying.  He is very talented and can usually pick things up quickly. This is something that was not going to come easy to him. He continued to mumble in Russian but he kept going.  I tried to joke around with him and he would give a little smile every once in a while. He kept falling and his hands were getting cold so we called it a night.  I asked him if he wanted to go another day and he said no.  I am hoping after some time away from it we will go again.  Hopefully he will see some improvement and gain some confidence.

He was so tired from his first full day of school and skiing that he actually went to bed at 8pm! He woke up on his own this morning.  He got himself dressed, made his bed and ate breakfast by the time I was finished with my shower! 

      

Dima's First Day of School!

Today was Dima's first day of school and we were extremely pleased that it went a lot better than we expected! On Wednesday, Dima met his English as a Second Language teacher.  He absolutely did not want to go to school and meet anyone there.  I had to call Liliya at one point to translate something to him and he told her he did NOT want to go to school! I tried to ignore his attitude and continued with the meeting.  He at least somewhat acknowledged everyone he met, but you could tell he was not happy.  After we went home, I sat down with him and asked him if he would explain what he was feeling through Google Translate.  He said he thought he should wait to go to school until he knows English.  I explained that going to school would help him learn English.  He also explained that he didn't want the teachers to ask him questions in front of the class and that he felt he would look stupid just sitting there.  I explained that all we asked of him was to listen and learn more English.  His attitude changed after our discussion and seemed to feel better the next day when we went and registered him.  What a difference in attitude.  I think it helped that Dusty was able to come as well. All the teachers seemed extremely nice and willing to help Dima.  They also told us the students were excited to meet Dima.

The night before school Dima had his English lesson with Liliya.  We told her to tell Dima we were proud that Dima was very polite to his teachers when he met them. After his lesson, Liliya told us that she did most of the class in English with Dima!! Dima also explained that he was 50/50 with his thoughts on school.  That is a heck of a lot better than the day before when he said he did NOT want to go to school.

This morning when I woke up, I saw the school was on a 2 hour delay.  I figured I'd let him sleep in a little so he wouldn't have all morning to think about school.  He woke up at 7:30 and showered on his own! I had to explain what a snow delay was and he seemed ok about it.  Luckily I checked my email as his English teacher was so nice to email me that they were also going to have a fire drill at the end of the day.  I thought how in the world am I going to explain this to him! He seemed to understand but got a little frustrated.  I can only imagine how overwhelmed he must have been feeling at this moment. 

Before we got ready for school, I asked Dima if I could take some pictures for Papa since he was at work.  Here are a few.....

As you can see.....he didn't want his picture taken.

Unfortunately, Dima didn't want his picture taken.  He was in a good mood so I didn't want to ruin it and force him to be serious and get a good picture.  I drove Dima to school and pulled up to the front of the school.  I kept explaining to him that he was to meet his English teacher and not go anywhere until he sees her.  I gave him a hug and said go ahead and go in.  He pointed to me and said "You go too?".  My heart just melted and said "No, you have to go in yourself". He opened the door and went right in! What a brave boy! I couldn't even imagine how he was feeling at this moment.

Dima's schedule is basically normal except he has one period with his English teacher. The English teacher and another 8th grade student helped Dima get to his locker and get from class to class.  Luckily, two of Dima's teachers are great friends of ours so they both let us know that he was doing great.  His English teacher also let us know how his day went.  I went early to pick Dima up so he would not get nervous if I wasn't there.  Since they were to have a fire drill at the end of they day, I wasn't sure what door to meet him at.  Luckily, I parked where we did before because Dima came straight to the car.  The big smile and huge hug told me that he had a good day! He told me in English that he had some papers from school, what he ate for lunch and that he had friends!!! He was so excited! I think he was proud that he conquered his fear of school as he has been so happy all night.  Dusty and I are extremely proud of him too!

On a side note....Dima has only been here for 19 days and he has gained 10lbs already!!!

Finding Time to Post!

Whew, we have been busy! I keep trying to find time to post, but seems like we always have something going on.  I have just a few minutes before I have to wake Dima up.  We are trying to get him up a little earlier so he gets used to getting up for school.  He LOVES his new bed and likes to sleep in.  Yesterday morning didn't start out well as I tried to get Dima up early.  He was very cranky while eating his breakfast.  I warned my parents that he was in a bad mood and to just ignore it.  He ended up laying down again after breakfast until his English lesson.  When I came back from work, he and my Dad were having a blast playing marbles, shooting darts and other games.  It was special to watch how they've bonded.

Dima had a really great night.  We actually carried on a decent conversation while we waited for Dusty to come home from work.  It was so nice to be able to communicate.  He explained to me that he was tired this morning because he didn't fall asleep until 11:55pm because he was studying his English! After Dusty came home, we went to my work to lift.  He was very polite to people we knew and introduced him to.  We are so proud of Dima and how far he's come in a few short weeks.  His confidence level is higher.  I am sure once he goes to school he is going to have some issues, but overall I think he will like school.  Everyone so far has been great to work with.  Hopefully we will have his schedule ready to meet his teachers on Thursday before he goes to school Friday.  I know Dima will feel better seeing his teachers before he is put in their classes.

We are getting very excited for the other families that are either in Ukraine now or are going very soon.  Dima is looking forward to getting Artyr home as he said March was far away! We will be praying for all of you guys!!!!

Preparing for School.

This week is going a lot better than last week.  Dima has been trying so hard to learn his English and is doing a great job for only being here for 10 days! Liliya has been giving him paperwork to work on and we often find him up in his room reading over it.  He is even starting to ask us questions how to say things in sentence form.  Last night he and I were talking through Google Translate about starting school next Friday.  He was joking around that he didn't want to go which is a good sign.  If he doesn't want to do something, he gets really quiet and looks the other way.  He typed that he doesn't know English to go to school and I explained to him that's why he is going to school.  I explained the teachers are going to help him and he will meet new friends.  I also explained to him that he will still have English lessons with Liliya which I think made him feel better.  He loves his lessons and really listens to her. 

I am sure going to school is going to be rough for him.  We are preparing to have some setbacks, but I think he is going to like going to school more than he did in Ukraine.  In Ukraine he was known as being from the orphanage, now he is just like the other kids that have a family.  If any of you reading this has a child that is in 8th grade at the Altoona Junior High, explain to them Dima is coming and please welcome him. 

A New Day.

After having a few meltdowns the last few days, Dima had a better day yesterday.  Part of it may have been that he knew he was going to be seeing his friend Erik.  The other part was hopefully because Liliya, his English tutor, worked with him on manners and how people treat one another here in America.  He was actually saying "Thank You" and "You're Welcome" more.

We met with the other adopting families from the hosting camp.  It is so great to see them all. It feels like we all have become one big family from this experience.  It is going to be a huge help with these kids knowing they are not alone and have friends so close.  Everyone has been so supportive of one another and we truly enjoy our time together. 

Dusty, Dima and I picked up Liliya at her home to drive her to the meeting as she doesn't have her American drivers license yet.  She has been a huge help to all of us as she has been so helpful communicating with the children when we have questions or need help.  Liliya will always be special to us as she is the one who communicated to Dima that we wanted to adopt him.  On our drive we were able to ask him some questions through Liliya.  We got on the subject about the hosting camp why he decided he wanted to come to America.  He explained to us that before the hosting camp, Syvette told Dima that he had a family that was interested in hosting him.  Dusty and I picked Dima out from the pictures that Lori Walk took when she was over adopting Ana.  Lori knew then that she wanted to do a hosting program to help other children get adopted and asked the Director to help pick out "adoptable" children.  I say "adoptable" because some children do not want to be adopted or they have family members that come and see them that may not want the child to leave the country.  I thank God that Dima said he would come to America.  This picture below was a very special moment for Dusty and I.  We went to the Philly airport to pick up all the children and this is the first time we saw Dima.

Dima looking at me taking a picture of him.  I would love to know what he is thinking at this moment.

Dima proceeded to tell us that once he got to America, he figured we were the couple that was interested in him since we continued to interact with him.  Later in camp, he was given the choice if he wanted to be hosted by us and I remember his saying "Yes, can I got with them now???"  The very next day we asked him if he would like us to adopt him.  I can't wait until he can communicate with us about how he was feeling at that point. 

The next question we asked Dima was if he ever thought we'd not come back to adopt him.  He said no quickly.  He said his teachers at the orphanage, or I should say "Children's Center", kept telling him that his Mama and Papa in America were not coming back for him.  He said he knew better.  He also said he was told by the teachers that in America people adopt children to cut them open and sell their organs for money.  Can you believe that?  It sounds obsured to us, but now you have an understanding why some children are afraid to come to America.  That is why hosting programs are so important for these children to come and see this does not happen.  You may wonder why people would say these things, but being there made me realize why they would.  Most of these people are fighting for there jobs since they are hard to keep.  This orphanage is losing about 8 children.  If the classes get too low, the teacher is out of a job.  If they lose there job, they may not find another one.  We are so priviledged here in America to have the opportunities to find a job.  It may not be an ideal job or not make as much as we'd like, but you can find a job and have an opportunity to work your way up.  

The next picture I wanted to put in because it fits perfectly with Dima coming to America.  It was written up on the wall in the Philly airport.

Transition

I finally had a moment to write about how Dima is transitioning.  I could say that everything is going great and perfect, but I would be lying.  The last few days and the future will be a learning experience for not only Dima, but for us as new parents.  We have had some meltdowns but with each one, we've learned more and more about each other.  We have learned that just because we adopted Dima and gave him a chance to have a better life and opportunity, he does not understand that totally.  Through one of his meltdowns, we found out how insecure he is.  Dusty explained through Google Translate that we love him very much not matter what and he wrote back "Why?".  He has never had someone that has told him he is loved and he doesn't know how to deal with that yet.  Deep down he knows it, but he doesn't know how to act yet. 

We have to continue to be patient and understand this is a huge transition for him.  He has left the only life he's known and friends that were basically his family.  This makes you realize how bad it is there and that he realizes that life will be better here.  He is coming into a culture that is different and a language that is different.  He doesn't always have someone to talk to in his own language.  He loves to talk and joke around so this will be hard for him to not be able to express his thoughts and feelings.  Most of the meltdowns are because of the language barrier.  Using the Google Translate on my phone has been helpful and Liliya (who is from Ukraine and currently lives near us) has been an amazing help! She is giving him English lessons on Skype and is teaching him to learn how to communicate and express his feelings. 

Another thing we are working on is respecting other people and their feelings.  Being over in Ukraine most people we met in Ukraine can be brash where here in America, we are sensitive to other people's feelings.  When he is not in a good mood, he will not talk to people because he doesn't feel like it.

We have learned we will need to be very patient, but firm with him.  He is learning how to be a son for the first time.  He doesn't know where the boundary's are yet and he is testing them.  One thing we realized that he is slowly learning if we are firm with him, he will listen.  It's a little easier for him to listen to me because most of the teachers in the orphanage were women.  He still sees Dusty as someone he can joke around with.  He is starting to realize that he needs to listen and take Dusty serious as well. 

I hope this information will help those that will be adopting in the future.  You focus so much on getting the child home that you don't think about what you will do when they are here.  Hopefully working with Liliya during the weekdays on English will give him confidence before he starts school.  We are taking things day by day.  We will see where he is at after a few weeks and then decide if he needs more time or if he is ready.  I think he is already getting a little bored not being around kids his age.  His whole life he has been in a group and never the only child.  That will take some time for him to get used to as well.

If we can offer any advice for future adoptive parents is to be very patient during your transition! Being in Ukraine helped us realize how hard it is being in another country where the culture is totally different and how hard it is to communicate.  These children have very low self esteem so we need to nurture them while establishing rules from the beginning and how they need to treat people.  Your initial reaction is to be their friend and not upset them, but that will only make things more complicated down the road.  Establish the boundries right away so they know what they can and can not do. 

I can't wait to hear of the experiences of those going after us! Thanks for reading.

We are HOME!

It's been a long few days, but we are finally settling in.  A lot has happened in the last few days and I am short on time so I will just talk a little about our trip home and another day I will tell you how we celebrated Dima's first birthday and Christmas with his cousins.

We arrived at the airport with a lot of time to spare because we wanted to make sure we weren't rushed since we were bringing the children home.  We knew we needed more time to check the kids onto the plane since they were just adopted.  Flying from Kiev is like going through Fort Knox with all the security checks.  When Dima and I checked in, they asked for Dima's information.  After receiving our tickets, we had to go through security. We then went to another section where we had to show our passports to another security guard.  This is where the security asked for Dima's court information that we received and to show we had our sealed envelope that we were absolutely not allowed to open until we reached immigration in the US.  We went through this fairly quickly but for some reason the Walk's had an envelope stapled to their kids passports and had to sit down and wait for the officer to go to his office and write information down.  After we all went through this part, we had to go through security yet again before we boarded the plane.  We ended up only getting there about 15 minutes before we boarded the plane.  Good thing Syvette told the drivers to pick us up when they did. 

Poor kids have had a long week of waiting.....

Dima just before his last take off from Ukraine!

We had a direct flight to New York City.  The flight was about 10 hours long but actually didn't seem that long.  Dima and I had a lot of fun in the airplane, he was getting very excited to see his Papa and to finally go home!

Here is a picture of Dima after we landed and is now an American citizen! The smile says it all!

After we landed, we went through Customs and Immigration quicker than I expected.  I could tell Dima was a little nervous when the security guard was trying to explain how he wanted his finger print done and he couldn't understand what he was saying.  He was being very brave as I helped explain to him what the officer wanted.  He has been so amazing through this whole process, I just hope and pray he continues to have this same attitude when he transitions to his new life!