Transition

I finally had a moment to write about how Dima is transitioning.  I could say that everything is going great and perfect, but I would be lying.  The last few days and the future will be a learning experience for not only Dima, but for us as new parents.  We have had some meltdowns but with each one, we've learned more and more about each other.  We have learned that just because we adopted Dima and gave him a chance to have a better life and opportunity, he does not understand that totally.  Through one of his meltdowns, we found out how insecure he is.  Dusty explained through Google Translate that we love him very much not matter what and he wrote back "Why?".  He has never had someone that has told him he is loved and he doesn't know how to deal with that yet.  Deep down he knows it, but he doesn't know how to act yet. 

We have to continue to be patient and understand this is a huge transition for him.  He has left the only life he's known and friends that were basically his family.  This makes you realize how bad it is there and that he realizes that life will be better here.  He is coming into a culture that is different and a language that is different.  He doesn't always have someone to talk to in his own language.  He loves to talk and joke around so this will be hard for him to not be able to express his thoughts and feelings.  Most of the meltdowns are because of the language barrier.  Using the Google Translate on my phone has been helpful and Liliya (who is from Ukraine and currently lives near us) has been an amazing help! She is giving him English lessons on Skype and is teaching him to learn how to communicate and express his feelings. 

Another thing we are working on is respecting other people and their feelings.  Being over in Ukraine most people we met in Ukraine can be brash where here in America, we are sensitive to other people's feelings.  When he is not in a good mood, he will not talk to people because he doesn't feel like it.

We have learned we will need to be very patient, but firm with him.  He is learning how to be a son for the first time.  He doesn't know where the boundary's are yet and he is testing them.  One thing we realized that he is slowly learning if we are firm with him, he will listen.  It's a little easier for him to listen to me because most of the teachers in the orphanage were women.  He still sees Dusty as someone he can joke around with.  He is starting to realize that he needs to listen and take Dusty serious as well. 

I hope this information will help those that will be adopting in the future.  You focus so much on getting the child home that you don't think about what you will do when they are here.  Hopefully working with Liliya during the weekdays on English will give him confidence before he starts school.  We are taking things day by day.  We will see where he is at after a few weeks and then decide if he needs more time or if he is ready.  I think he is already getting a little bored not being around kids his age.  His whole life he has been in a group and never the only child.  That will take some time for him to get used to as well.

If we can offer any advice for future adoptive parents is to be very patient during your transition! Being in Ukraine helped us realize how hard it is being in another country where the culture is totally different and how hard it is to communicate.  These children have very low self esteem so we need to nurture them while establishing rules from the beginning and how they need to treat people.  Your initial reaction is to be their friend and not upset them, but that will only make things more complicated down the road.  Establish the boundries right away so they know what they can and can not do. 

I can't wait to hear of the experiences of those going after us! Thanks for reading.